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  • Writer's pictureBYU Divine Comedy

Dalton is Addicted to the Bachelor...HELP!

    All right, all right.  I wasn’t going to do this, but I can’t bottle this up anymore.  Let’s talk Bachelor.

Ok, so I watch The Bachelor, ok?  It’s not a big deal.  I mean, I can quit whenever I want.  Is it so wrong of me to want Ben to be happy with Amanda and finally see Olivia as the fake scuzball that she is?  Ben deserves better than that manipulative woman, with her honeycomb mouth and whatnot.

Anyway, like I was saying, I can quit whenever I want.  There is a popular misconception that The Bachelor is a “gateway” reality show, leading to harder reality show dependence, such as “Keeping up with the Kardashians” or “Little People, Big World”, to use their street names.  This is not necessarily true, though dependency to some lesser reality TV has been known, such as watching “COPS”.

So, in short, Icouldquit, but I am justchoosingnot to.  I hear “the bachelor” thinking that I need to model my bachelor life.  Most grown men could live with the thought of dating 20 beautiful women at the same time that fall in love with you even before meeting you.  Now, this may come as a surprise to you, but that’s honestly not like my life.  If “The Bachelor” was like my life, most of the episode would be me deciding whether to shower or to watch another episode of “Shark Tank”.  The remainder of the show would be at Taco Bell.

    So basically, don’t try an intervention on me.  You may be so tempted as to give me C-SPAN therapy or read me smart books from Stephen Hawking or Stephenie Meyer.  Because I want to know whether or not JoJo is gonna make the most of her second chance or if she’s gonna crack under the pressure of being around fartface Olivia.  And because I can quit whenever I want.

​-Dalton Johnson

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